My Journey Through Infertility So Far: Part 1 of Whoknowshowmany

The facts of the case:

I have always wanted to be a mother. I expected to be a mother. I was one of those girls that had baby dolls into my preteen years. I have always looked forward to having children, and to being pregnant in particular.

When my husband and I got married, we were 30 years old. Plenty of time, we told ourselves, and we were in no hurry. About 2 years ago we decided it was time for me to get my IUD removed. We were 33 at the time. We weren't "actively" trying to the point where I was tracking ovulation, scheduling sex, blah blah blah, we just weren't using any birth control anymore. I honestly expected to be pregnant within months.

I wasn't. About a year went by, and I started to research infertility issues. The more I read, the more I was certain that I had PCOS. And my doctors had never mentioned it over the years, the bitches. The only symptom I *don't* have is irregular periods. So with the tentative diagnosis, I've started making changes to hopefully boost our chances of conceiving.

The diet was the first to change, for both myself and my husband. We cut way back on the sugars, processed foods, and 'white' foods. I have blood work scheduled to see how bad the insulin resistance is, as well as what other hormone imbalances there may be, so I don't have any medications yet.

So, here I am now, 35 years old, officially 'advanced maternal age'. And still not pregnant. The clock is ticking louder and louder, and every month that goes by is more painful than the last. We have not had the big 'what do we do now' conversation, so we haven't seriously discussed any medical interventions like IVF, or other options like surrogacy or adoption yet. When the blood work and ultrasounds are in, then we'll know more what we're dealing with.

In the meantime, I have tried very hard to keep our intimate relationship healthy. I don't ever want my husband to feel like he's just a means to an end. We have sex because we love each other, and because we want to, not for the sole purpose of baby making. Exploring intimacy is a healthy part of any relationship, if only to keep things new and fresh. For me personally, I have always been rather shy about sex, and so my husband recognizes that when I am open and free with him in bed, it is really a demonstration of the trust I have in him.

This post is sponsored by Eden Fantasys and I’m writing this to be entered into a giveaway hosted by Mamavation.